The Everyday

For not one of us lives for himself and no one dies for himself; for if we live, we live for the Lord, or if we die, we die for the Lord; therefore whether we live or die, we are the Lords. -Romans 14:7-8

Back in my home town now, I'm finding it more and more difficult to live that life. I'm finding it a huge challenge to remain the Lord's. I'm finding it difficult to sit at His feet, to enjoy Him, to serve Him even.

Out in the world, when you are sent to serve, it comes easily. You know during those times that you are sent with purpose. You have a job to do, a responsilbity even, for the body of Christ. Back here, I just am. I just live. I just serve in the day to day. It doesn't seem nearly as... charged?

There doesn't seem to be any risk involved, and it doesn't really come at a cost. For me, the risk and cost are what keep me focused. Here, I struggle to focus.

I'm realizing now that this is likely a large part of the reason I'm here. I need to learn to be disciplined in the day to day. I need to be like a "weaned child" against His chest, where I seek nothing, yet just enjoy Him. This is the challenge.

Mistakes

Yes, my second blog of the day. It's about time, eh?

So, I was sitting there praying and telling God that everything that's going on must be some mistake. I was not thinking that God made a mistake, but instead that I did. God reminded me that He doesn't make mistakes and even my mistakes are not too big for Him to handle.

A simple, yet profound revelation.

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them. -Psalm 139:16

I can look back on the last year, two years, or more and tell you almost every mistake I made. I can tell you about my mistakes in many different areas of both my personal and professional life. I can see how this mistake took me this direction and that one another.

As I was sitting with God today, I asked Him if this was my fault, if this is my "reward" for my mistakes made. Not a punishment, but a consequence. God stopped me in my tracks. He clearly told me that this is Him, this is not consequence or mistake. Nothing gets by Him.

He brought me back to Moses. He reminded me of Moses' mistake, and the consequence of that. Moses' killed and Egyptian and had to flee to Midian where he tended sheep. (Exodus 2) This wasn't a short time, Moses spent 40 years there tending sheep. Wow, what a harsh punishment, eh?

No, this was not a punishment or consequence, this was the training ground. It is during those 40 years that God began to mold, refine and train Moses for his later mission. Is this to say his sin was justified? Absolutely not, but forgiven before he did it. The time in the wilderness likely wouldn't have happened if he had not sinned, but that time is used for good, not for bad.

I can tell you that I've made many mistakes and some that have played a role in where I'm at now. Some is simply situational, but some was also decided by bad choices I made before. The world would tell us that we just need to make the best of a bad situation, but God tells us that there is no bad situation. Yes, I might be spending my 40 years in the wilderness now, but is God absent from that? Are God's hands tied? Absolutely not.

On the day of my birth God knew where I would be sitting right now. He knew also that I would be writing this blog for all of you to read. God knew that you would be sitting there right now reading it. He knew how it would make you feel, what it would make you think. What brought you or I to this place is really of no consequence, because God is bigger than all of that. He is bigger than all of our mistakes, all of our trials, hardships, tribulations. God is in control.

How awesome is our God?

Forgive yourself for whatever is troubling you. Say to your sin:

Now, therefore, it was not you who sent me here, but God -Genesis 45:8a

God is in control.

Hope

We also exult in tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. - Romans 5:3-5

June 3, about a month ago, I posted an entry about God's proven character and how hoping in that does not disappoint. A month later, sitting on a couch in my parents' house, struggling through a difficult season, I have seemingly forgot all about that entry.

Life went crazy a couple weeks ago and now life looks very different. I'm in a different place. I'm no longer providing for myself. I'm at the mercy of others. I'm without some of my most important possessions and closest friends. On top of all that, I'm dealing with the most difficult spiritual, emotional and physical trials I have ever dealt with.

Fearing depression (and all that comes with it.. which is a reasonable fear for someone with my past,) I started to grab at anything and everything to keep me afloat. It started out with me grabbing God, but I lost grip on Him. I stopped trying. I stopped praying simply because it was hard. I stopped reading the word because I was tired and it seemingly did no good. Since then I've been grabbing everything else. It's been everything from romantic relationships, to friendships, to plans, possessions, hobbies, songs, etc. Of course, people can't be my hope, because they are fallen and finite. They mess up. They walk away. They don't love like God loves, which is what I need. Plans can't be my hope, because they don't always, (don't often?) work out. Possessions, well, you guys can figure the rest out. All of those "hopes" are far less than what I can have. The hope is far weaker, far more breakable I fear.

My hope in the Lord was originally that He fix this and fix that. I'm seeing how even that is a breakable hope, a hope in my plan. My hope now is not that everything gets tied up in a pretty little bow, that the sun starts shining and a year down the road I laugh at this whole adventure. My hope now is that the Lord goes with me. Where am I going? That's up to Him. What is happening? In His hands. My hope needs to rest in who I know God to be. God is in control and God is an awesome God.