The Higher Calling

Ok, here it is, the answer to my question. The question was, "Why do I feel so empty?" and the answer is that it is because there is more! I have been feeling so.. well.. empty. I don't know how to describe it, but frustration has been mounting.

My time with God has been no less than usual, my reading of scripture the same, yet I haven't felt the same with Him. I've been searching and searching for places and ways to fill this void in me, not even realizing it. Now I see it.

I sat down with God to ask him why just one more time. I needed the answer. I saw what I was doing, how I was running and I needed Him to fill me. I needed to just be filled by Him. The answer came so clearly, He wants to offer me more.

He wants to offer me a life that is connected to Him, not just in work, or in the mornings or evenings and at meals. He wanted to offer me conversation which isn't set around trials, or successes, times or seasons, people or places, but instead a conversation that is set around relationship, persistant, neverending and committed to commune together.

He wants to teach me to pray without ceasing, to feel Him with every breath, to be not only aware of Him but in full and absolute submission. He wants to set me truly free from even my emotions.

Fearful of this, I have been running. I tried.. and I failed to enjoy His presence constantly, getting distracted by work and relationship, by all kinds of things. Fear of failure tails me as I try and try and try, but I know He is with me.

It reminds me of a song by David Wilcox, That's what the lonely is for. Here is the Chorus:

When I get lonely ah, that's only a sign
Some room is empty, and that room is there by design
If I feel hollow - that's just my proof that there's more
For me to follow - that's what the lonely is for

--

God is showing me and calling me to so much more. I'm excited to see it all.

New car

I decided in the past few weeks that I need to get a car. Working an hour out of town and depending on rides is taxing, not just on me. I didn't have to look much at all. Infact, in my searches, I could find much that I liked. I stopped and just asked God what He wanted me to buy. This car pretty much fell in my lap at an amazing price.

It's a 5 spd 2002 Kia Spectra GSX hatchback, fully loaded. Even has a factory sunroof, which is only on a few of these cars. It's a blast to drive and so darn cute. Heh, I love it when God provides.

His plans

Tonight I was reminded once more that His plans are better than mine.

Friday night is usually my social night. I get together with friends, have a few laughs and just hang out. This week, there were no such plans. Infact, I found myself stuck at home. At first, it left me a bit down. Then I just decided to make the best of it and try to enjoy myself.

My parents had their friends over and I just sort of hung out with them, not expecting much of the evening. It was a lot better than I expected.

I got into a great discussion about God with my mom's friend. Hours and hours slipped by as we talked about God, about my relationship with Him and what it means to live a Christian life. The conversation was marked with real, raw emotion, true passion, true seeking and interest. It was real. It was refreshing for us both.

Going out with friends tonight would have robbed me of this time. It would have robbed her also from that refreshment. Even though staying home is the LAST thing I wanted to do, it turned out to be the best way to spend an evening.

His plans are better.