The First Steps of the New Journey

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. - Romans 8:28-30

I’m sitting here in the Calgary airport between flights, waiting on my last flight of the day to Vancouver. As I sit here, I can’t help but think, I do not belong here. There is no reason why a girl like me should have the opportunity to travel all over the world.

Last night, as I said my goodbyes to my friends, I hugged Jer and as I stood in his arms, the Lord reminded me how he played such a big role in this journey. Where would I be had he not shared the gospel with me? Surely, I would not be here. I would not be doing this. Proof of how the gospel changes lives.

This morning as I flew into Calgary, I looked out the window and saw the mountains off in the distance. I have seen the mountains in books, movies, television and newspapers, but I never expected to be here. I was again reminded of how little I deserve any part of this.

The Lord brought me to Romans 8:28-30. Wow, this packs so much, doesn’t it? First off, this is God working miracles in my life because I love Him. (I’m not saying travel is the only miracle you can receive or that I somehow more loved by God. I’m simply saying that He is working miracles in my life at this time as promised.) How cool is that? My God loves me so much that He is giving me the life I has always dreamed of. He is calling me to more and more and everyday the picture just gets sweeter.

God knew before I did, before my birth even, that I would be His one day. He even knew the day. Though I cursed Him and hated the very idea of His existence, He still called me. He created me solely for this purpose, knowing full well all my choices along the way. He wrote it in the pages of life that I would indeed be conformed to His image, in His time.

He used Jer to call me to Himself at exactly the right time. If it weren’t Jer God would have used someone else, but I’m so glad to He used Jer. Jer was not only the one to point the way, but to also walk it with me. The friendship that has resulted is a sort of bond that can never be broken, torn or forgotten. No matter where I am, He will always be my brother.

God justified me. He washed me clean. I’m not only forgiven for all of my sin, and my curses against the Lord I now love to so deeply, but all of this is also forever forgotten. It is erased, as if it never happened at all.

This is my God. It’s not because of me, but because of His great love. What an awesome God we serve!

(Written on Jan 27 at noon local time)

The Adventure in Christ

The Lord is my Sheperd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul... - Pslam 23:1-3


Well, I am packing my bags and preparing to go back to Maui. I've been praying into all the changes in every step of the way. I've been reflecting on where I've come from and the great changes God has made in my life. Of course, changes in location are the obvious things, but even the less obvious changes of heart have impacted my life more, I believe.

God led me to Psalm 23 and as I meditated on it, I realized something that I had never truly thought of before. It has been God's greatest pleasure to take me on an adventure. He loves to challenge me, but to also reward me. The rewards can look like so many different things. Sometimes it is peace, sometimes it is a new friend and sometimes it is a new location, too beautiful for my eyes to even taken in.

It is at those moments when I feel that I have no more to give that the Lord tells me it is time to take rest in Him. He just picks me up and says, "It is time to go." I curl up in His arms, close my eyes and I wake up fully refreshed, in a beautiful place, with a new set of challenges before me.

This time is not unlike that. I'm preparing for the journey ahead. I have no idea what new challenges I will face, but I know there will be many. In the next season, I will grow and change as much as, if not more than, I have this season. This is simply the adventure Christ has for me right now.

I really believe that God's will for us is to show us new things, take us on new adventures, with new challenges and new experiences. He doesn't need to take you to another country, (though He may do so for you,) He can give you an adventure exactly where you are. Consider all the adventures you have had in your day to day life in the last year. You will see how exciting our God is. God is a wild ride.

Ministering to the Lord

How many of us are expecting Jesus Christ to quench our thirst when we should be satisfying Him! We should be pouring out our lives, investing our total beings, not drawing on Him to satisfy us. - Oswald Chambers

Again, it is not about us. It's about Him. I find myself often making this mistake. I wake up and go to the Lord so He can fill my need, so He can answer my prayers, offer direction and even the simple peace that is beyond my understanding. I don't often go to Him simply to minister to Him, to pour out to Him, to invest in Him.

I have a heart for worship in a big way, but that just seems a part of the interaction, not the basis for it. The basis needs to be worship. That is how I need to approach the Lord. Yes, I need to be real, raw, transparent and honest about my emotions, trials and mistakes. Yes, I need to ask for His help, but not because I want it, but because He does.

God cannot become a vending machine, where we go to Him when we are hungry or thirsty and expect to be filled. We need to go to Him because He is an awesome God, a friend, a lover, a savior and we owe Him our lives. The fullness that we receive is not the reason for the interaction, for the relationship. It is simply a benefit we receive because our adoption as His Children and our choice to press in and know Him more.

I can think of so many times, even today, when I have approached the Lord with the wrong mind set, with the wrong motive. I need to approach God as the awesome God He is.

My New Skin

"The places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned." - Sarah Groves


The more time I've spent here back home in Canada, the more I have realized that this place, this old skin, doesn't fit me. In the last 6 months I have grown and changed so much. All my friends, my family and the community itself doesn't know me anymore. I cannot explain the changes in me and the depth of it scares most away.

I spend most days dreaming about the places I've been and the things I've seen in my long ago past. I dream of going back as I am now and seeing the reactions of people, of situations. I think of even spending time with those people, but I realize in that moment that I can't fit into my old skin. I don't fit with the old world.

I realize that all that I know of my life here has ended. It hasn't end in a fiery wreck as I had expected in the past, but instead in a peaceful passing on of my old self as I step into my new skin. Most days I feel as though I'm standing in the middle of yesterday, unsure of where to go, but knowing that this time has already passed. There is no where to go but forward.

So forward I go as I make preparations to leave for Maui in a few short weeks. I move on as I say goodbye to family and friends. I step into tomorrow as I shed old possessions and even old passions.

As all the deaths, it is bitter sweet to me as I say goodbye to all that I've known. Yet everyday I awake anxious to move out of yesterday and into today. A new season is upon us.

Why do I worship?

I realized over the past couple days how my worship has changed. I used to worship God because of what He has done for all of us. I used to worship Him because of His grace and mercy. I used to worship Him for what He had done for me personally as well, for all the miracles in my life. Everything from the release of health problems, to the blessing of travel, of being a messager. I used to worship Him because of my joy. I used to worship Him because of the adventure in my life. I used to worship Him because of what He did for me.

Now, I can't imagine worshiping for those reasons alone. I still worship Him for His grace and mercy. I still worship him because of the great sacrafice He made for us. I still worship Him for the blessings He has given, but those things seem small compaired to the beauty of who He is. Now I worship God from relationship. I worship Him for who I know Him to be, not just for what He has done.

Everyday I am falling more in love with Him.

In the Wilderness

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He then became hungry. And the tempter came and said to Him, "If you are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread." But He answered and said, "It is written, 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.' " -Matthew 4:1-4

After my DTS, I had so many options. I could go almost anywhere and do almost anything, but I knew that the Lord was telling me to go back home to Canada. More than that, He was telling me to stay with my parents. This is a place I haven't called home in quite awhile. It is a place that holds a lot of difficult memories and temptations to fall back into old coping mechanisms. To me, this is the wilderness.

Since coming here, I have had a hard time focusing during my quiet times with the Lord. I've had trouble praying and even reading the Word. Usually, I'm so excited to read the Word that I stay up late reading, get up early and find every spare moment where I'm not serving Him to read His Word. It's a heartbreak to me right now that I'm struggling so greatly with this.

I began to try in my own strength to focus and discipline myself to read, and though I still did it, it was not fufilling. Tonight as I sat down and begged the Lord to speak, He pointed me to Matthew and Jesus' time in the wilderness. The Lord again gave me the same revelation that he has given me so many times before: it is not about me.

It is by Him that I live, that I breathe. It is by Him that I serve. It is by Him that I worship. He creates my desires and also fulfills them. There is nothing that I do in my own strength. I can't depend on my own understanding to get me through this time in the wilderness, I need to depend on Him. But how?

I will follow the example of Jesus. I will fast. I will deny my flesh and depend on Him to feed me and fuel me. It is this type of denial of self that breeds a new depth to the relationship with Him. It is to live out the belief that it is not about me, that I no longer live, but He lives in me.