Walk by Faith

Then I said, "Alas, Lord God!
Behold, I do not know how to speak,
Because I am a youth."
But the Lord said to me,
"Do not say, 'I am a youth,'
Because everywhere I send you, you shall go,
And all that I command you, you shall speak..."

- Jeremiah 1:6-7

Recently, I was offered an opportunity to become a youth pastor with a great church in Hawaii. At first, I was very excited about the position and I wanted to accept it immediately. I felt His voice say, "Be still."

Time has passed now and I have spent a great deal of time praying into this. With time, it has only felt like more and more of an option.

As I went to send an email to accept the position, I got a very uneasy feeling. I saved it as a draft. Over the night my feelings became doubts and fears of the flesh. I doubted my ability to do the position, because I am such a new Christian. Many other small fears came up as well. Overall, I was just unsure.

I went to the word and asked God what to read and He took me back to the verses He gave me over the last couple months, including Jeremiah 1:6-7 and 2 Tim 1:7. He spoke to me of boldness, courage, and walking by faith.

Over the last 6 months, he has taught me, through many crazy, unexpected circumstances, the meaning of truly walking by faith, sometimes even recklessly, when you hear his voice. He has taught me that fear of man is not of Him, but feeling the weight of the calling is what He desires.

Everytime I have stood to preach, I have been overcome with fear, not "Oh, what will they think?" but a real fear simply in the weight of the message, the weight of the calling. It is at that moment that I realize that it was indeed God's choice to have me infront of these people and I am speaking on His behalf. I am saying what He wants said. The simple weight of that is intense.

Though I feel this fear now, I am reminded that He is in control. Though I may stand to speak, it is Him who speaks. With this position, I still feel the fear (and I am glad I do, because it helps to keep me focused on Him,) yet I know, it is not me doing the work but Him working in me and through me.

I must walk by faith.

A Heart of Worship

To know Him therefore as He is, is to frame the most beautiful idea in all Worlds. - Thomas Traherne

Some mornings, I wake up and fall to my knees. I am in such awe of the Lord and His majesty, His beauty, His love and His grace. I am in awe of our meek saviour; He is the image of power under control. I am in awe of the strength and power, yet the gentleness and compassion. I can do nothing but weep.

It is true that to know God, to truly know Him as one knows their lover is to bring to life the most beautiful idea in the world. It is to know the only perfect love that a human could ever know: the love of our God.

The days when I wake with this awareness, this focus, I am joyous and the trials I meet along my path don't even change my pace. I am indeed invinciable when I walk in the awareness of the power, the love, the grace and just the pure wonder of our God. The days when I wake and choose to wake without wonder, I find the days are longer, harder and I feel as though I am fighting a lone.

What makes the difference then? It is worship. It is taking that extra moment to stare at the beautiful picture the Lord has painted. The picture that He framed so perfectly for you. It's taking that moment to stop and say, "Yes God, you are Lord over my life, Lord over this day." It is taking a moment to say, "Thank you," with the purest appreciation for the gift of life.

The beginning of another season

I thought it was about time that I found a place to share what the Lord is teaching me, where He is leading me and my struggles as I attempt to walk it all out. I regret not finding a space for this in the last six months of my life, which have been incredibly interesting.

I just returned home to Ontario, Canada from my Discipleship Training School with YWAM in Maui, Hawaii. I spent the last six months in Maui and in Indonesia learning about the Lord and sharing Him with the people of Indonesia. In that short time, I learned more about the Lord than ever before and truly dedicated my life to His calling for me.

I'm headed back to Maui in a couple short months to begin the next stage of learning that the Lord has for me. Right now, I'm in transition to the cold climate of Canada and the everyday life here. In this time I am beginning to learn how even the ordinary can be extraordinary with the Lord.

Picture: Me playing guitar on the balcony of a village house in the jungle of Indonesia.