Indonesian Morning

Selamat Pagi.

I woke up this morning to find my plans had to be canceled and I was faced with a decision to go back to bed and get some much needed rest, or enjoy the silence of a quiet morning with a freshly risen sun.

I went outside on the porch and sat in a green plastic chair in between a bush, covered in raindrops from the nights storm and a pot of flowers. It was quiet, no cars passing, no people yelling. The occasional bird and dog spoke their hellos, but apart from that, there was what I have come to know as an Indonesian calm. Even as I write this now, the calm remains.

Back in Indonesia this was my favourite time of day. I would get up at the first of the Muslim prayers, around 4am, when the world was still covered by night and I would make a cappuccino from a powder mix. I would sit alone, with my Bible and my journal. For hours, until the world awoke, I would pray and journal, I would read and just spend time enjoying the silence. This was the strengthening time that carried me through the hardest of days.

Sitting here today has much reminded me of those days and oddly enough, it is the first time that this place has felt at all like a home. Indonesia was the first place and the only place that I ever felt as though I was indeed at home.

As I spoke with Him today, I told him how I felt, how hard it is to be here, and how confused I am over where He wants me. I told him I long to go "home". I sat quietly for a bit. Just listening, waiting, being still. I felt I should read my Bible for a bit, so I asked Him what I should read. 1 Peter jumped out at me, I could see the words in my minds eye. I turned to the pages and I knew I should read chapter 5:6-9. This is how it reads.

Therefore humble yourselves under the
mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at
the proper time, casting all your anxiety on
Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober
spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil,
prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking
someone to devour. But resist him, firm in
your faith, knowing that the same experiences
of suffering are being accomplished by
your brethren who are in the world.
-1 Peter 5:6-9

This is the confirmation that I am where I need to be right now and that He hasn't forgotten the desires He placed in me to serve in the nations. It just simply isn't time. As ready as I may feel, only He knows when I'm truly prepared. Don't fret. His plan is better. He will not fail me because He loves me so deeply.

He is reminding me that the Satan is still very active and trying with all his might to distract me and pull me from my calling. He is trying to convince me to lose faith and act out of selfish ambition. The Lord is telling me that He sees the challenge and is standing with me.

Also, He reminds me, that when I sat out on my Indonesian mornings, even then I had feelings of doubt, of frustration and even distance from the Lord on occasion. No matter where we are, Christians everywhere struggle and that's ok. We are more than conquerers in Christ Jesus. These same sufferings are being ACCOMPLISHED by my brothers and sisters everywhere. I am not alone, no matter how it feels.

The Lord has a plan, though sometimes it seems random. He has a design, even though we can't piece it together. He is with us, even when we feel alone. He forgets only your faults, but never forgets you, nor His promises to you.

Lord, I will rest in your promises and wait on your word. I will stand with you and for you and I will not walk away.