My New Skin

"The places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned." - Sarah Groves


The more time I've spent here back home in Canada, the more I have realized that this place, this old skin, doesn't fit me. In the last 6 months I have grown and changed so much. All my friends, my family and the community itself doesn't know me anymore. I cannot explain the changes in me and the depth of it scares most away.

I spend most days dreaming about the places I've been and the things I've seen in my long ago past. I dream of going back as I am now and seeing the reactions of people, of situations. I think of even spending time with those people, but I realize in that moment that I can't fit into my old skin. I don't fit with the old world.

I realize that all that I know of my life here has ended. It hasn't end in a fiery wreck as I had expected in the past, but instead in a peaceful passing on of my old self as I step into my new skin. Most days I feel as though I'm standing in the middle of yesterday, unsure of where to go, but knowing that this time has already passed. There is no where to go but forward.

So forward I go as I make preparations to leave for Maui in a few short weeks. I move on as I say goodbye to family and friends. I step into tomorrow as I shed old possessions and even old passions.

As all the deaths, it is bitter sweet to me as I say goodbye to all that I've known. Yet everyday I awake anxious to move out of yesterday and into today. A new season is upon us.