Seeking His Face

Six short months ago, I stood before a congregation in a small village on the island of Borneo, without a sermon, I preached. I preached my testimony. I told them what meeting the Lord did to me, how it radically changed my life. I told them how the Lord gave me hope, direction, peace, understanding, etc. I wept. I begged them, with all of my being, with all my tears, to share the gospel and allow the gospel to transform their lives. The passion, the power and the spirit of the Lord was all over me as I felt weak in the knees, weeping and preaching. I knew Him.

The last few months I've been going through a difficult season. I've lost something that I had back then. I can't speak with the same power. I can't weep when I speak of my savior, but why? What has changed? He hasn't. The story hasn't. It is my heart that has changed. It is me. I have changed.

I picked up my old journal today, in attempt to go back, to read the same verses, to evoke those memories and to seek God as I did then. I don't mean in a formulaic sense. I just wanted to get that heart again.

Nothing has changed since then. Even in me, the same spirit exists, the same passion. I'm just not tapping into it right now. My perspective is different now, but that's just a matter of refocusing myself. So what can I do, what should I do to get back to that place of true worship, true reverence? Well, I'm going to search the scriptures, I'm going to choose to worship even when I don't feel like it. I'm going to begin with a thankful heart, choosing to search for things to be thankful for, even when they are less obvious. Most importantly, I'm just going to pray and ask God to give me that heart again, to direct my eyes and show me His face again. I'm simply going to seek His face.