Your Beloved

I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are your works,
And my soul knows it well. - Psalm 139:14

I was talking to God this morning about my "counselling" session from last night. (About some things I agree with and others that I didn't.) One of the things that came up was that I needed to recognize my position in His kingdom, and His love for me. One of my big issues is that I don't have much self worth.

I can give you many reasons why I lack self worth, old words and painful experiences, but, as was pointed out last night, only one reason truly stands; God's enemy is trying to keep me from believing that I am His beloved.

"The worst thing you can do to a son of a king, is convince him that he is not a son of a king"-Unknown

As I prayed this morning, I asked God to show me that I'm His beloved, to give me something, more than scripture, that I can reference each day to show me God's love for me. I asked God to show me that I'm special in His kingdom.

I looked down at my wrist. On my wrist, for over a year now, I have been wearing a blue ribbon. I took it off a card that was given to me on my 20th birthday. This was a day that will forever stand out in memory. My whole community in Paia, Maui celebrated my birthday with me. The celebration went from 5am until well past curfew. This is something that isn't done for everyone, in fact, the nature of living in such a large community is that most birthdays get forgotten. For that day I was significant.

Now, since a year has past and I'm no longer living there, many of those friends are no longer a part of my life. Most I will never see again and only a few do I still speak to. I wrote off that day, simply as being a moment passed. Looking back today I see it more clearly than I ever had.

That day was not those people saying "Hey, let's celebrate Kim." Instead, it was God saying it. It was God putting it on the hearts of a community. It was God directing their steps. It was God saying to me, "My Love, you ARE significant to Me. No matter where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, I will show you the depth of My love."

I am His beloved. He has chosen me. He has plucked me from my past and redeemed me.

God, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. No matter how much I doubt myself, or how much the world tells me otherwise, I know, in the bottom of my heart, that You did a good work and that You are continuing to do the same. I know that You made no mistake in my creation. I know that You are proud of me, Dad. I feel Your smile. I know that You love me.

I don't understand Your love, God. I don't feel deserving of it. I don't know why You have chosen me. I doubt I will ever fully grasp it, but I am forever thankful to be called Yours. I am Your beloved.